Just an updated note: The following happened the weekend Just after the msngr night (Part 9), i was almost 16 years old at that time.

I opened my eyes .. and took a glance at my bed side digital clock.. its 6.30am i haven't slept at all and now i have to go to school.

i contemplated the idea of playing sick to stay at home, maybe I'd say i have a bad stomach ache or a headache .. both are very believable .. my mom wouldn't suspect a thing. i dismissed the idea as i remembered that i have a physics class .. and I'm sure that if i missed one I'll be clueless through out the whole week ..

So i got up, washed up and got dressed.

At school .. i couldn't concentrate on anything that came out from the teachers lips .. i kept remembering the conversation i had with him .. and every now and then I'd smile to myself.

that state of me lasted for a couple of days, i was always thinking , never paying attention and day dreaming almost half of the time.
but don't get me wrong this thing never affected my life in anyway .. i was still me only with a HUGE secret.
i wanted to tell someone , i wanted to speak , i didn't care how i just needed to get this thing off of my chest.. but i couldn't .. HE's not just any guy .. HE's my cousin

" mama wain el yam3a hal esboo3 .. ?? " i asked

"bait 3amech 3abdallah " she answered still occupied with checking my little sis homework.

After the the Prayers, My dad told us to get ready to go to my Uncle's house for dinner. we'd all hurry to our rooms each picking something to wear and my dad would still be sitting in his place waiting for us .. not dressed ... and just when were about to finish he'd get up and go get dressed in less than 2 mins .. amazing huh?!


I got out of the car, helped my little sister out and then waited for my mother , so I would walk inside with her.

I heard my uncle’s voices , they were sitting in the garden outside.

I wasn’t ready to see HIM yet , something huge has happened and now nothing is ever gonna be the same again, he’s probably sitting there with my uncles waiting for me to show up .. but I cant .. my heart was beating fast now and my face was all red .. I was so nervous that by just taking a look at me you’d know there’s something wrong.

“Curls yalla deshay ” my mom nudged

“Kany mama el7een” I said as I carried the plate of hot lasagna and hurried inside after my mom

As soon as I crossed the wooden gate I scanned the whole place and took a deep breath when I realised he wasn’t there , strangely I was relieved.

I said my hellos to my uncle’s, kissing them on their heads, laughing at their little jokes and answering their Questions about what have I brought for dinner, and who have actually made it..
to no one’s surprise it wasn’t me for sure !!

I went to where my mom was sitting and told her that I’m going inside the house to drop the plate in the kitchen and then I’m going to see where are my cousins?

“el banat ga3deen ib ‘3orfat sara , ro7ay da5el entay” my uncle’s wife soon answered my Query

I went inside the house , expecting to see him at every corner, I opened the door and looked behind it just to make sure that there will be no surprises.

I made my way to the kitchen and peaked at first, to see if he’s not there before I gave the plate to the maids and recited my instructions on where to keep it and what to do with it.

Then I took a deep breath and went up the stairs, as I was taking my shoes off to step into the living room ...

“ 9ale7 !! 3ame m7ammad ma ra7 eyee elyoum ?? “ I heard HIS voice asking one of my cousins about my father.

I stopped in my tracks , Oh My God

“ Embala they’re already here !! I just saw Curls ta7at” 9ale7 replied

I stood there in my place for a couple of seconds thinking of what to do, I cant see him now . then on an impulse I stepped into the living room and raced my way to Sara’s room, Yep I practically RAN .. I took a glance at him and saw him smiling at me.

During that night .. we'd steel glances at each other, smiling when no one is paying attention.

My heart fluttered every time i turned my head and saw HIM staring at me across the room, and each time we came face to face I'd feel butterflies in my stomach as i lower my head and walk away.

I went to sleep that night .. thinking SO THIS IS LOVE !!!

So this is love
So this is what makes life devine
I'm all aglow, And now i know
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings, And i can fly
I'll touch every star in the sky
So this is the mericle that I've been dreaming of
So this is love

I'm not saying a word ... Except that He's 73 years old !! zaiiin ma tkasar !!!

I Hate Them

I Hate trying to Explain my point of view

I Hate the feelings that starts to build up inside of me

I Hate that I cant control my feelings

I Hate that lump when it forms in my throat and i cant breath

I Hate that Tears don't obey my brain when trying to stop them

I Hate that look on your Face

I Hate the Stupid reasons that started the fight in the first place

I Hate that you don't understand how much i need you

I Hate The soar eyes and the throbbing headache , afterwards



and for GOD's SAKE


My desk is messy , my brain is messier ...
i'm scared to death ..
coz to be honest i haven't studied as i should have ..
alla yester..
i'm only asking for a pass :S

That's IT ... we9alt 7addy .. I'm really TIRED .

Tired of Studying

Tired of here

Tired of the weather

Tired of being alone

Tired of staying at my apartment all day .. all alone

Tired of the rain

Tired of people

Tired of my Stupid major

Tired of TV

Tired of my Computer .. elly mjableta 24 hrs

Tired of my whole life ..

Its been raining here for a whole week ... and its making everything else sooo much worse ... ya3ny inshallah meta y9eer el 9aaaif .. 6oool el sena shetaaa :@ ... meta ashooof el shams ... AAAHHH GOD ... i miss KUWAIT

I Miss My MOM

I Miss My sisters

I Miss My room

I Miss Me doing nothing

I Miss the SUN

I Miss the A/C for some reason

I Miss the streets

I Miss the malls

I Miss My little fridge back in my KWTs apartment .. the one that is always empty .. except for KDDs pink orange juice.

I Miss KDD

I Miss Kraft jebin gla9aat

I Miss My bed

I Miss 9amoon falafel :S