15th May, 2005
Sunday, 2 am

I woke up, my breaths were shallow, my heart was beating so fast it was the only sound i could hear.

i had a dream.. that in seconds was about to come true .. but at that moment i had no idea

i stayed up in bed for about an hour .. shifting and rolling .. i couldn't get back to sleep.

so i get up and sat on my desk , turned on my computer and sat there waiting for it to start.
i signed on my msn .. a couple of my friends were online

i wasnt in the mood to chat .. and i knew i wasnt supposed to be up this late .. plus i have school tomorrow ..

i just sat there .. staring at the monitor .. i was thinking of the dream i had .. i smiled to myself
my eyes were tired yet my mind refused to give in .. so i closed my eyes to rest them for a minute.

*msn msg alert*

i open my eyes to see the little window that just appeared on the bottom right corner of my desktop.

3ali : what are you doing up so late ?

me: just chatting with my friends ...

3ali: this LATE

me: ya3ny why is it OK for you to be staying up this late w ana la2 ??

3ali: i'm a guy :P

me: laaa walla

3ali: loool

me: shtabee ??

3ali: walashay :D

me: Okay

*** Silence for a couple of minutes ***

3ali: Curls ??

me: yea !!

3ali: i wanna ask you something personal !

me: sure, Go ahead.

3ali: if you dont wanna answer , thats fine !

me: umm gool shnoo ?

3ali: Who is ur crush ??

i was surprised !! Hell No i was SHOCKED
my mind suddenly felt heavy, Each word invaded my brain and i couldnt think anymore.. something inside me was urging me to tell him 'Curls this ur chance , just tell him how much you're in love with him' but something else held me back 'Why is he asking me this?? does he know something??'

me: Who told inna i have a crush ??!!

3ali: everyone does

me: well 7ata lo i do , why would i tell you ?

3ali: come on .. tell mee.. i'll tell you who i had a crush on!

OK that's something i really want to know .. but would that mean that i'm willing to put myself in a compromising situation !!

me: mabee ..

3ali: Allah y5aleech :(

I thought about it , and i thought about it more .. more ... and some more
maybe i should tell him !!

me: OK

3ali: :D

me: ....

3ali: YALLA

me: remember in malaysia .. when ur sister read my diaries ??

3ali: Yea i doo

me: Do you know what she read ??

3ali: Nooo ... what does that have to do with this ??? :S

me : weell , she read inna i had a crush on YOU

i pushed the enter button then i stood up .. and got away from my computer ... i had no idea what was the consequences of me telling my cousin, my very close cousin, the one i see every week in my family's get-togethers .. that i actually had a crush on him ...

i was sweating even though my room was freezing .. my heart was beating faster than it ever did .. and i felt this blinding pain in my forehead .. what have i done !!

to defend myself .. i used the word HAD to indicate the PAST .. which means that i have only told him that i had once liked him .. that doesn't necessarily mean that i like him NOW .. even though I'm practically in love with him.

i slowly stepped Back to my computer ...

3ali: OH MY GOD !!!!!!

3ali: mn 9ijech ??

3ali: Since Malaysia ???

3ali: that was like what ... 3 years agoo !!

me: SHUT UP ( i didnt wanna hear anymore ... yuba 3erafna ur surprised!! w obviously u dnt feel the same way.. i almost cried ... laish geltla .. shloan a6el ib wayha ba3ad kel hatha)

3ali: Thats when I had a crush on YOU

My eyes grew wide, my heart skipped several beats, and i forgot to breath.

3ali: Dont you remember?? .. i used to follow you everywhere you went ?? i stole glances at you when you were sitting with the girls ?? God i did some stupid stuff.

me: nooo i dont remember .. ( i was still shocked)

we chatted for an hour .. he told me all bout that crush he HAD on me .. and vice versa

i went back to bed that night for sure .. but sleep didn't find it's way back to me.