15th May, 2005
Sunday, 2 am
I woke up, my breaths were shallow, my heart was beating so fast it was the only sound i could hear.
i had a dream.. that in seconds was about to come true .. but at that moment i had no idea
i stayed up in bed for about an hour .. shifting and rolling .. i couldn't get back to sleep.
so i get up and sat on my desk , turned on my computer and sat there waiting for it to start.
i signed on my msn .. a couple of my friends were online
i wasnt in the mood to chat .. and i knew i wasnt supposed to be up this late .. plus i have school tomorrow ..
i just sat there .. staring at the monitor .. i was thinking of the dream i had .. i smiled to myself
my eyes were tired yet my mind refused to give in .. so i closed my eyes to rest them for a minute.
*msn msg alert*
i open my eyes to see the little window that just appeared on the bottom right corner of my desktop.
3ali : what are you doing up so late ?
me: just chatting with my friends ...
3ali: this LATE
me: ya3ny why is it OK for you to be staying up this late w ana la2 ??
3ali: i'm a guy :P
me: laaa walla
3ali: loool
me: shtabee ??
3ali: walashay :D
me: Okay
*** Silence for a couple of minutes ***
3ali: Curls ??
me: yea !!
3ali: i wanna ask you something personal !
me: sure, Go ahead.
3ali: if you dont wanna answer , thats fine !
me: umm gool shnoo ?
3ali: Who is ur crush ??
i was surprised !! Hell No i was SHOCKED
my mind suddenly felt heavy, Each word invaded my brain and i couldnt think anymore.. something inside me was urging me to tell him 'Curls this ur chance , just tell him how much you're in love with him' but something else held me back 'Why is he asking me this?? does he know something??'
me: Who told inna i have a crush ??!!
3ali: everyone does
me: well 7ata lo i do , why would i tell you ?
3ali: come on .. tell mee.. i'll tell you who i had a crush on!
OK that's something i really want to know .. but would that mean that i'm willing to put myself in a compromising situation !!
me: mabee ..
3ali: Allah y5aleech :(
I thought about it , and i thought about it more .. more ... and some more
maybe i should tell him !!
me: OK
3ali: :D
me: ....
3ali: YALLA
me: remember in malaysia .. when ur sister read my diaries ??
3ali: Yea i doo
me: Do you know what she read ??
3ali: Nooo ... what does that have to do with this ??? :S
me : weell , she read inna i had a crush on YOU
i pushed the enter button then i stood up .. and got away from my computer ... i had no idea what was the consequences of me telling my cousin, my very close cousin, the one i see every week in my family's get-togethers .. that i actually had a crush on him ...
i was sweating even though my room was freezing .. my heart was beating faster than it ever did .. and i felt this blinding pain in my forehead .. what have i done !!
to defend myself .. i used the word HAD to indicate the PAST .. which means that i have only told him that i had once liked him .. that doesn't necessarily mean that i like him NOW .. even though I'm practically in love with him.
i slowly stepped Back to my computer ...
3ali: OH MY GOD !!!!!!
3ali: mn 9ijech ??
3ali: Since Malaysia ???
3ali: that was like what ... 3 years agoo !!
me: SHUT UP ( i didnt wanna hear anymore ... yuba 3erafna ur surprised!! w obviously u dnt feel the same way.. i almost cried ... laish geltla .. shloan a6el ib wayha ba3ad kel hatha)
3ali: Thats when I had a crush on YOU
My eyes grew wide, my heart skipped several beats, and i forgot to breath.
3ali: Dont you remember?? .. i used to follow you everywhere you went ?? i stole glances at you when you were sitting with the girls ?? God i did some stupid stuff.
me: nooo i dont remember .. ( i was still shocked)
we chatted for an hour .. he told me all bout that crush he HAD on me .. and vice versa
i went back to bed that night for sure .. but sleep didn't find it's way back to me.
