The door bell rang

the maid litterly jumped the stairs down to open it, my uncle was on the door in his huge safari.

my dad left to Germany for his business meeting the day before and my uncle was to drive us to our beloved mazra3a.

" Salam 3amy " A huge smile sprang on my face

" Hala 3amy , jahzeen wala ba3ad ?? " he bent so i can kiss his head

"ee embala kelna jahzeen bas 5al el 5adam y76ooon el a'3rath bel sayara "

it took 35 mins to get to el mazra3a, a long ride, but i never felt bored coz Curls never left the house without her pen and notebook , i practically wrote everything on my mind, and i mean everything, my head was always swarming with ideas that i have to get rid of. Oh and if i ever got short of things to write .. my Archie digest was there to entertain me :p

we arrived there just before the sunset, and we were always the first to be there. so i was alone.

I hurried to my fave spot on the roof and sat there to watch the sunset, my pen in hand and papers in my lap ... i loved staying there , i liked being alone at such time, i liked how my head swelled with made up memories about HIM.

It's me and HIM , somewhere on a beach, the perfect summer's evening where the breeze is refreshing and subtle, we're walking hand in hand observing the orange sun slowly sinking in the undisturbed water of the huge ocean, the reflections are almost smiling at us. i lean and rest my head on HIS shoulder.

Right at that moment i snap out of my fantasy to reality. the sun has already set and the darkness is taking over. i stretched my arms as i heard my brothers preparing to pray.

Soon after i finished praying, most of my uncles were already there taking their places around the fire.

i brought my pen and notebook, settled myself on a chair, and then started writing ...

i lifted my head for while the pen between my lips and thought of words.

" Ha shga3ed tektbeen ?? " HE appeared out of no where

" Haa... umm nothing "

" aaah is that ur diary ?? "

"Laa2 ... shtaby 3ali bas wa5er "

He sat on a chair next to me just looking at me, in no more than a few minutes his sister sara came and sat next to him. i was still trying to ignore him and paid no attention to his remarks.

" Curly shga3da taktbeen ?? " sara asked

"wala shay " without even lifting my head up.

" ga3ed takteb masha3erha w e7sasat'ha " He sarcastically replied to his sister.

They both laughed.

I stopped writing, closed my notebook slowly, and got up.

' How dare HE ?? shno 8a9da ya3ny?? ya3ny he's making fun of me ?? ' my mind got busy with comments i would've had come up with to get back at him.. i thought about it for a couple of minutes 'Why do i like him ?? apparently HE couldn't care less about me ... HE's actually making fun of me.. ' ... a tear slowly made its way to my eyes and soaked my eyelashes

I went inside, my mom was in the kitchen preparing for dinner. i just didn't want to see HIM , bas mabe akalma, maby ashoofa, maby wala shay to do with HIM, a9lan i hate HIM.

"Mama ... shga3d tsaween 7ag el 3asha ?? "

"wayed ashya2, fee Burger, fee balalee6, 3ametich msawya lasagna w 3amich yayeb men Pizza Hut as usual "

murt 3amy never cooked for gatherings, she obviously would rather ordering from some restaurant than to spend all day ga3da bel ma6ba5 thinking of what to cook , so basically every weekend, 3amy would either order pizza or Fried chicken from KFC. on the other hand my mom always preferred to cook and make her delicious secret recipes that everyone loves.

"umm bas ?? "

"shtabeen ba3ad .. kel hal akel mo 3ajbech ?? "

" La La good, kelshay 7elo " i grabbed a handful of fries and got out of the kitchen.

i took a peek from behind the door, to make sure that HE is gone and then made my way to where all the girls were sitting, i just sat there frustrated with myself, until 7anan came and after she said Hello to everyone she came to sit next to me.

" Shfeech ?? laish wayhich chethy ?? " she asked

"shno shfee wayhee ... ma feeny shay ?? "

"embala imbayen thayeg 5elgich , 7esbalich ma3arfech !! "

" Inzain ta3alee da5el agoolich "

we both went inside, closed the door on ourselves and, i spilled everything little detail, leaving the part where i'm supposed to tell her that i have a crush on HIM.

As soon as we stepped out of the room , he was getting into the living room.

" 3ali , laish m2athy Curls ?? " Hanan said

i looked at her with an incredulous look on my face , embarrassed i lowered my head.

"ana ??? ma sawait shay !! " he replied

"Embala , gayelaha shay em'6ayegha "

"La walla ma gelt shay !! "

"Embala , 3ayal mno joked about 'masha3er w e7sasat' Haaa ?? "i said, my voice higtened a bit and waving my hand, my pen slipped and fell on the ground.

HE smiled that smile of his that made my insides flip, then walked in the direction of my pen and picked it up, HE came back to me and handed me the pen "well, ma nabee Curls tez3al, 3ad killish wala entay " He said still smiling.

On the way back home, i couldnt stop thinking about His words, and his smile still lingered in my head.

I just loved it , it summs up everything i ever felt.

"Curls , come here bagoolech shay " Hanan called.

"wait degeega " i said , i grabbed the bag with the fireworks and hid it under my jacket as i hurried towards the swings where Hanan was.

we settled each on a swing, as we started our weekly conversations about school, friends and guys.

I turned my face to where all the family was sitting bel mazra3a, ans saw him going round and about searching for his fireworks, i smiled to myself and turned to complete the already running conversation with 7anan.

"Curls !! "a voice called

"hala " i turned around only to see him standing behind me.

his face portrayed the confusion of a 3 year old when trying to hold water in hands with open fingers. and i tried my best to hide the growing urge of cracking a humongous laugh right then and there.

"ma cheftay my fireworks ?? , they were in a bag right next to the door" he asked

" Haaa .. ummm ... maaadry , i don't think so " i was still trying not to laugh.

"Curls met2akda ma 5ethaiteehom ?? " he looked at me suspiciously.

i couldn't say a word cause then i would definitely lose the innocent look on my face and be caught for sure.

"yeeebehom , i know u've got them "he finally realized that my expressionless face was screaming with guilt.

" Ok bas 3ala shar6 "i said while laughing.

" Shnoo ?? "

"t5aleeny i light a couple of them "

"La2 , they are mine yeebehom "

" kaifek they are with me, i get to decide not u "

"inzain , 5ala9 5ala9, a5aleech "

all the while 7anan was looking at me smiling, and when i gave him his fireworks, i hurried behind him so he could fulfill his promise to me.

i stood behind him while he lighted the first two with my dad's lighter.

we were surrounded by all my cousins, who were waiting for the the fireworks to light up and fly into the space where they would blow into amazing vibrant colours, we all watched in awe, that was the favourite part of us going to el mazra3a every week in the freezing cold winter.

He called my name so i would go and try lighting up one as he promised he would let me, i walked closer to where he was standing, he gave me the lighter and i bent to the ground.
after the coloured lights faded in the sky, and everyone lowered their heads to its normal position, he came back to me demanding for his lighter, but i was more than just an innocent little girl, i refused.

" Curls , yalla 3aad yeebe el wala3a 5al asheb el bajy "he pleaded

"maby , malat oboy , shtaby enta ?? "

" yeebeeha "


"shofay , yeebeha tara ayee a6ub 3alaich w a5eth'ha , ma 3ndy suwalef entay bnaya w madry shno "his eyes were gleaming now.

"mabeee " i was a bit scared now , coz he didn't seem like he was joking but i thought he wouldn't dare to do it .

He stepped closer to me , aaand closer ... closer ... closer ...
it was inches only between my face and his, my vision of him started to become blurry considering how close he came.

it was then when my mind came to a full black out, when the back up generator started to work in my brain, i cam to a realization that i should step back , at first i took one step backwards then i jumped back to hide behind Hanan's back.

He was smilling now , and i threw the lighter at him, a million thoughts going about my head at the same time.

it started with a simple childhood crush, when every girl i knew had the hots for some singer or actor i looked for more.

i am a dreamer but i manage to plant my feet in the ground, i refuse to go about day dreaming, i refuse to wish for things that are waay out of my reach. i refuse to let myself be disappointed.

i saw him every week, he was always there, missing not one gathering, he was social and every one liked his personality, he always managed to make me laugh, and he was sarcastic about everything, and to be honest i never saw him serious about anything.

i liked him, i liked his silly comments, i laughed at his jokes, i liked him being around, but i never realized that i liked him even more until we all went on a summer vacation to Malaysia.

there was something about him that draws me so close to him, his eyes, his smile .. he had control over me like no one ever did.. but i refused to admit it.

i told no one how much i was drawn to him not even my closest and bestest friend, Hanan my cousin.

HE is my cousin, he treats me no more different than he treats his only sister!!
What am i doing?? what am i thinking?? i have to stop this NOW

i failed miserably, he had a magnetic Field around him that just kept pulling me closer and closer to him, i had no way of defending myself, i could not resist.

for the 3 weeks of our vacation, my eyes followed him everywhere, i could not stop thinking about him, and i wrote all about him in my diary before i go to sleep each night.

it was innocent, just a little girl having her first taste of a summer crush, nothing worth mentioning.

until one night,

i was extremely tired after a long day of activities, ranging from mountain climbing, to jungle walks to trips to some farms. i retired to my bed early, leaving the girls playing UNO cards alone and walked to my room, i was extremely tired so i went to sleep without a worry in the world

the next morning i woke up energized ready for the day ahead that was filled with more activities that i hoped for.

i washed up, got dressed and got ready to leave my room for breakfast, the phone rang.. as usual my cousins would call so we could meet up in the breakfast hall.

"Aloo !! "Hanan's voice came through.

"Haa, tara I'm ready ka ba6la3" i said not waiting for her to state why she's calling.

" OK , inzain curls i need to talk to you about something"

"shno laish?? " i always feel anxious when hearing these words.

"entay ta3alay my room I'll tell you "

"OK 2 mins bas a9ik jan6ity w agfelha w I'm coming" i ended the conversation.

my stomach started to hurt, i hate this feeling , i prepared myself for the worse, i wasn't thinking anymore when i grabbed my stuff and started throwing them in, i grabbed my diary and placed it on top of my clothes before closing my suitcase.

i grabbed the keys to my room and went on my way to Hanan's room.

i knocked the door, she opened almost immediately, her sisters with which she shared her room were already out to breakfast.

"Ha sh3indech??? "i asked as i sat on a chair.

"Curls ... ams after we finished playing UNO we were talking about guys and we mentioned 3ali and a7mad, we were arguing about who was more handsome "she said while looking straight into my eyes.

"Okaaaaaaay !!! w ba3daaaain " i didn't understand what she's getting at.

" well , we talked a while about them ba3dain we asked saroo if she knows if 3ali has a crush on any one in school, or if he likes any girl or something "she just stopped and looked at me. Sara is 3ali's and ahmad's only sister, and being the only girl in a family of 5 boys she always tends to be a bit boyish until after much grooming she finally became a refined lady.

i was confused beyond recognition, i didn't know what's going to happen , i didn't know what's she's getting at, i couldn't even figure or predict what words are coming out of her mouth next.

"sarooo said enna she doesn't think inna he likes any one but she knows that someone likes him"she looked at my eyes again as if she's waiting for them to respond to what she's implying.

i was still silent ...

" well .. galat inna you like 3ali "she blurted at once at stood there silent waiting for me

my heart raced', my breath became shallow 'No .. NO .. no one is supposed to know' i thought, my mind wasn't functioning properly my brain suddenly shut down.

i looked at her .. " w on what bases did she made this conclusion? "i tried to seem calm.

"well she said inna she read ur diaries .. aand ... "

i didn't wait for her to finish i heard enough, i was bubbling with anger, my insides were burning, not because Sara said that i like 3ali, but simply because she dared to invade my privacy.

" shnooo ?? she read my diary ??? how dare she ?? " i yelled ..

Hanan was taken aback, she was too close to me to be alarmed by my raised voice .. she pretended to lower my voice as u would do to a tv, then simply said " bas u dont like 3ali,, right ??"

i hesitated a second but managed to overcome the river of thoughts flowing in my head. " of course not " i replied, but still angry, i couldn't stay there any more ..

my voice started to crack and my tears were on their way to my eyes and i had to go .. i had to run .. so i headed towards the door and walked away..

" ma tabeen tetrayegain ?? " Hanan called after me..

" la2 baroo7 '3orfety .. " i answered while slamming the door

it was a corridor between my room and hers .. i ran through it tears trailing on my cheeks, thinking of nothing ... and guess who just happened to be standing just opposite of my room..

YUP .. HIM ,, 3ali

he looked and me .. his face puzzled ... i looked at him ... drowning with my own tears..

" Curls shfeeech ?? " he gaped at me

" walashay " i unlocked the door and got in, not giving him a chance to even have a second look at me.

i threw myself at the bed, crying my eyes out .. i didn't know what to do ... i just cried and cried. then i went over to my bag and grabbed my diary .. i opened it and started tearing every page that had his name on it ..

Knock ... knock .. knock

" Curls ba6lay el bab , it's me Hanan "

" mabe .. GO AWAY "

" Curls yala 3aad , u can talk to me "

" mabe .. call my sister , i wanna talk to her "

Ala2 my older sister was much more than just a sister, she was a younger mother if that would make sense. i trusted her to make the right decisions for me when i didn't know what path should i choose.

a couple of minutes later , ala2 came and got in the room. she sat next to me on the bed ..
" haa , shfeech ?? what happened "
i told her everything except for the part that it's true that i like 3ali, and when she asked i shook my head denying it.

" Curls dont lie, i know you do " somehow she knew a lot of things i never told anyone.
" but it's nothing, i just like him .. shno ya3ny it's wrong ?? " i protested.
she laughed at me " i'll go talk to sara w ayeech ba3d shway .. ok" she said as she stood to leave the room. i just nodded

she came back telling me that sara just made that up w that she never read my diary.

" 3ayal why did she say that ?? " i didnt understand.
" ga3ed tet7arash feech .. yalla gomay tara el ba9 na6erna ta7at .. w 3mame ygoolon la tet25eroon .. warana a whole day of ta3ab " she smiled

i got up and prepared to go out yet again, decided that i should not talk to sara until she apologizes , which she did .. w everything went smoothely afterwards ..

HE never knew what happened , he only knew that i cried coz his nosy sister read my diary, he never even asked what she read or said.