I came back from school, ran up the stairs to my room dropped my bags, changed my school uniform washed up, and then i jumped on to the computer to check my email.

i waited for the browser to connect like it was taking forever, my eyes were fixed on the left hand corner where its supposed to show how many new emails I've got. it downloaded alright and i rolled the mouse to the {13 new emails in your inbox} i clicked on that then i scanned the emails for his name. Once, twice, three times and no use.. there's nothing ..

i leaned back, my eyes filled with tears that i refused to acknowledge, ' So what if he hasn't send me a thing !? so what if he forgot all about me ?? i couldn't care any less' i thought to my self.

That scene repeated itself for the past two months ... Two months and there was nothing from him. And each time i would tell myself that i didn't care .. OH but i cared , i cared a lot.

Two weeks later i had a wedding to attend, a wedding of a very dear friend of the family, she was suddenly getting married with no previous notice .. Everything was fast; her engagement, her wedding preparations and at last her wedding itself.

I dolled up for this one special occasion, i stood in the middle of the ballroom trying to spot a familiar face, and as soon as i saw Hanan i made my way to take my seat next to her.

After Greetings and gossiping, and remarks on every girl on the dancing floor. Because basically we never dance in weddings.. Or for that matter we never dance at all.

Then here comes the blow ..

"Soo, i was at my uncle's last night, my mom w om 3ali kano 6al3een together, maskeeen 3ali he was really sick, i guess he had the flu or .. " hanan was explaining

i didn't wait for her to even finish her sentence.

"WHAT , 3ali is BACK ??"

"umm yea .. you didn't know .. shfeech inzain so surprised ?? " she said in complete amazement

i completely forgot that Hanan knows nothing about this summer puppy love if i may call it that, i tried to think of ways to justify my reaction to this piece of news. nothing came across my mind.

"Haa , laa2.. umm .. bas inna i didn't know .. so anyway meta rad ?? "

" Curls .. i wasn't born yesterday .. SPILL and i mean right now "

there was no way out of it .. Soo i spilled .. i poured my heart out, but i tried as much as i can to remain strong ..to hide the emotions that were swelling up inside of me.

" AAAaawwwww, 7adkom laygeen 3ala ba3ath " she commented after i was done

i pinched her arm " Yalla 3ad chub, it's probably nothing , i guess it already ended" i said

"Ouch, Heey you never know, you didn't even see him yet, y9eer 5air this Thursday"

THAT Thursday

it was time. i went to my room to prepare, a little bit earlier than usual. i dragged my desk chair and placed it just in front of my wardrobe, and i threw myself onto it. i kept staring at the over packed wardrobe thinking what should i wear, its been almost three months since the last time i saw him, i must be just gorgeous. it took me about two hours to get ready, i even borrowed my moms designer shoes, and they weren't my size but i managed to keep them on.

i showed up there, my heart beating so hard, it was the only thing i could hear. my stomach was butterflies free for a long time now, but tonight they decided to revisit just in time when our eyes locked.

i was just on my way into the house while he was coming down the stairs, his head was bent down staring at his feet as they made their way down the marble blocks, and as soon as he reached the floor and he adjusted his head to its normal position, his eyes focused on me just opposite of him.

i lowered my head instantly, and for some reason i decided to ignore his presence, for a moment of awkward silence it should've been a moment , 5 seconds at the most, this seemed to take 5 years.

I wanted to jump into his arms and hug him, i wanted to hold his hands and just feel his skin against mine, I wanted to stare in his eyes, smile and just catch up, but then I remembered HE forgot all about me. HE never emailed, he never msgd, he didn't even tell me that he was back.

Suddenly with no further notice, my heart was burning with hatred that was inexplicable. I just wanted to be away from him. So I went on my way not giving him another glance, not even saying hi.

He stood in his place frozen; his eyes followed me up the stairs.

As I walked away from him, I felt something ripping me apart, I wanted to go back, apologize and just say hi, like nothing ever happened. But for a girl with a pride as huge as mine that was not an option.

I managed to go through with the evening not looking at him, not smiling when he caught my eyes, not trying to catch a moment alone with him. And surprisingly I thought that it was working really well.

Until it was time to go home, we were all standing outside in the garden for last minute chit-chats.

I was really tired, just standing next to my mom not really listening to what she’s saying, I tilted my head to the side a bit to rest my neck and looked away for a second.

Then HE gave me a look, a look of longing, yearning, unfulfilled dreams.

And I looked away.

On the way back home, that look was eating me inside out, my tears rolled down my cheeks in complete silence.

And my heart kept asking me questions I couldn’t answer... What the hell happened??

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    Anonymous said...

    i actaully had to go back and read the last 2 posts to remember where you stopped la2ana it's been so long bs it's great that you finally posted:P

  1. ... on Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 9:18:00 AM GMT  
  2. Um Mit3ib said...

    eee wala wht the hell happened;p

  3. ... on Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 11:41:00 PM GMT