Dear Diary :-

We talked for hours at no end, I stayed on msngr as I never did before , I talked to him about everything , and he was so easy to share stuff with , I wouldn’t think twice about what I would say .. it was the most natural thing in the world to be with HIM.

Yet everything was innocent , all we ever did was just chat, and steal glances at gatherings , we had to be careful not to show anything ... coz after all we ARE cousins .

I thought a lot about this situation, our situation, its much more complicated than if I had a relationship with someone I didn’t know.

Being family made it extra hard to express my feelings, I’d think a thousand times before I made a move. Being family meant that he’ll be around me for the rest of my life considering how close our family is.

Questions were always a matter of what will happen now? To where will this leads US? What IF it ended? How will it end? Will it be UGLY ??

I knew how complicated it can get because I know 7anan !

Hanan got to know a guy from obviously something called the internet :S her relationship evolved into mobiles and eventually seeing each other every now and then.

To be honest I never thought that her relationship would work , not for a minute and I tried to tell her but she refused to listen, she was holding on to him and maybe at some point so was he. She went through a lot of drama and I had to be there for her.

But Hanan’s story is a whole other story.

Anyway .. my thoughts of US never escaped my head, on one hot summer Thursday we decided we should gather in the chalets.

I was walking with Esraa; one of my younger cousins .. She basically have a crush on every single guy she ever saw in her life ... including 3ali.

Esraa is the kind of girl who takes life so easily, her main interest is talking about school and guys, she’s funny and she has the most peculiar laugh, I for some reason always connected that to her being overweight.

“ GOOOLay , goolay el 9ij , 3umrech ma 7abaitay a7ad”esraa was enthusiastic about her attempts to unveil my mysterious love life.

“Esraa2oo CHUB 3aad” I answered smiling

“come on , u have to have someone”

“3aaaib, I don’t have anyone, w 7ata lo I do why would I tell you ??” I teased

“Chathaaaabaaa .. a9lan ana adry mno t7been !!” ya3ny betsa7eb 7achy mny

“9ij !! yalla mno ??” I said as I was kicking around a pebble with my foot

“hatha elly jedamich” and she laughed her one of a kind laugh

I lifted my head to see who she was talking about and I saw 3ali walking towards us and he smiled one of those smiles that would send my heart to the top of my head, I lowered my head instantly.

“la ba3ad yebtesemlich .. aGoool haaaay tara hatha 7agyy mo ashufech tgarbeen 9oooba “ and she started laughing so hard

‘If only she knew’ I thought :P

She then pulled me to the house ..

“Curls ta3alay baroo7 el ‘3orfa ... entay ogfay 3nd el bab”

“sh3ndich ??”

“tell u later !” She said as she got into the room and slammed the door behind her

I waited for her outside, I rested on a couch nearby... not more than 5 seconds later the door opened and 3ali came in and he threw himself on an armchair opposite of me. He then just looked at me and smiled.

I always wondered how come he never talked; he always smiled at me and waited for me to start up a conversation... was he that confident of himself ??

“laish ga3ed broo7ek, why aren’t you with the other guys??” I asked

“bas ta3ban, male 5elg” He smiled again

I lowered my head a bit as a moment of silence passed

“Curls .. be’3aitay tgoolen shay 7agy the other day while we were chatting on msngr?? What was it ??” he had a puzzled look on his face

“ma athker” I lied

Of course I remember, a few days back we were chatting on msn and I had a moment of weakness maybe, when I wanted to tell him how much I’m in love with him, OH yes I LOVE him !! luckily my mom was calling me at the same time so I didn’t get to finish what I was saying .. the only thing he read is ‘I have something to tell you , but I don’t know how .....’

“embala , you said that u wanted to tell me something bas ba3dain u had to go !!”he was dying to know.

“UMMmm”I pretended I was trying to remember .. well I was thinking if I should tell him.. if it was the time or was it too early

He was still looking at me when I blurted out “well .. I don’t JUST like you”

I didn’t wait for his reaction, I didn’t even look at his face, coz simply I’m the kind of girls that prefer running to confronting :S, so I opened the door to the room and shoved myself inside at the same time when Esraa screamed and cursed me .. obviously she was changing her clothes :P

The evening progressed with me trying to avoid him and him following me trying to talk to me, I tried as much as I can not to look him in the eyes and at the same time I managed to always stay amongst a huge group of girls so he wouldn’t have the courage to approach me.

After dinner I decided I should take a walk on the beach alone .. just to clear my head, so before I did that I had to go and pick up my walkman (sha5baree :P I still have it though, he he ) so I started my way towards my dad’s Yukon and as I opened the door and climbed inside I heard the sound of approaching footsteps, I rummaged through my stuff trying to get my hands on my walkman as fast as I can to get back to the chalet when I heard someone calling my name ....

“Curls !!”

“haah” I answered as I turned my head around to see who was it, it was 3ali

“I feel the same way about you too” he said

Just at that same moment my dad showed up out of nowhere !!!